The Lesson of Strength

Is it just because we are missing something immensely that we constantly seek? No secret that I am in a transitional state in my life. I have unintentionally sought, but have surely found. I have constant reminders of what used to be, and I do so purposefully. It's because what "used to be" is my most cherished moment thus far on a personal level. I could not function here in the present without the "used to be's" I hold on to. Now I am looking forward and trying to figure out how to incorporate the "used to be's" into the "what lie ahead's" Yes, completely confusing, but so important.
I remember the lesson of strength from my Granny. I can only think of 2 occasions where she actually complained of something. She went through times that I will never imagine and yet I find myself complaining to myself about something everyday. Is it greed? selfishness? weakeness? Even while dying she did not complain. I will stride, but will never match that kind of strength, even when I need it most. I have to look back and remember in order to gain courage to go forth. Tonight I want something I cannot have, but I will not dwell in the sorrow of it. Instead, I will be glad in the blessings I have received and make the most of them. I don't care anymore if I have everyone's approval. I'm not sorry for my decisions. It's the example of strength that I have seen that makes me turn and face challenges head-on. I don't have the slightest clue as to what lies ahead, but when I look back and think of you, Granny, I feel the courage to go forth, right or wrong, and face the consequence of my decisions.