I Hear It Calling

The road home is a long one that's for sure. I wish when I get there my Granny and Paw Paw would be waiting for me. But they won't physically, though that almost doesn't matter. I know that their lessons to me, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, are what matter most. I'm here now, sitting in the place I call home, yet my heart is saying it's time to go. It's time to return to the place that you need and which needs you most. The things that I have always loved are there and are the same things that have always loved me in return. I have come to realize that it isn't a physical, human love which satisfies me most, though it is longed for just the same. It's that spiritual happiness that makes us feel whole. I don't have that here. I'm filling a roll, though not one I was prepared for. I can't teach my boys about happiness here because here it is about avoiding chaos and hiding in the shadows in hopes of not being noticed. I want them to feel alive, to experience life, not question it. It is shameful that it takes some of us so long to realize what means the most and to recognize our limits of giving if the return is not equal or greater. It's been a good run here, but I am almost done. I'm ready to go home.