Down Zion Road

Is It Really the Past?

2010-12-14T19:11:00.004-08:00

I have always believed the people we run across in life and the experiences we have happen for a reason. It's just really hard to decipher what that reason is. Sometimes I wonder if I have missed the point on some of these events. Could it be possible there is a second chance sometimes? I am bothered by the fact that I often feel more in touch with people who are 800 miles away than I do with people that live next door and call themselves family. Maybe it's easier now because I need them more than ever. You don't intend on starting a life somewhere that 10 years later you are as lonely as you've ever been. Who's fault? I believe it's a joint effort. No blames here. So to those of you whom I thought were in the past.. I'm really glad you are in the present. And to you that have made a point to remember me, thank you so much.

Veteran's Day Salute

2010-11-10T20:24:00.002-08:00

In 1967, a young man from rural Illinois just graduated high school. Half a world away a war was raging, and fearing the draft, he enlists to ensure himself proper training. He arrives in Vietnam in 1968 during the infamous Tet Offensive. Countless sleepless nights and sights and sounds that he couldn't forget soon enough filled his tour. The bravery that it took to knowingly place himself in that situation is amazing, as is the bravery it takes for anyone to volunteer a portion of their life to military action. Thankfully, that young man made it home safely and I still have him around to call him dad. Veteran's Day is for you, dad, and all the brave men and women who volunteer their lives before our own. Thank you.

I Have the Best Boys!

2010-11-09T19:20:00.002-08:00

Innocence is hard to come by in today's world. So are true caring and compassionate individuals. Today I found a couple. As I lay doubled over with terrible stomach pains this afternoon, both of my boys came to my rescue even when no one else seemed too worried about it. Coy could offer little more than a sweet snuggle and occasional pat on my head but it meant the world. Harris, turned caregiver, asked if he could get me anything and proceeded to run to the kitchen and make me a glass of ice water before I could even answer. It was one of the sweetest things I had ever experienced until I told them I was sorry for not feeling well and they reply came "You don't have to be sorry mom. We'll take care of you."

Love you guys!

Tired of Giving Up

2010-10-19T19:48:00.003-07:00

Maybe I'm just stupid. I constantly find myself giving things up to hold on to what I have. Ten years ago I decided to head 800 miles south to start a new life and it's something I've questioned everyday since. I have it good here, no lie, but when I think of all the things I miss about home and the people I've left behind I really start to feel stupid. What did I expect from doing this? Sitting here in a nice house with two precious boys sleeping in their beds I can't help but feel very selfish about feeling so alone. I'm hung up on the thoughts of things I used to enjoy and the way of life I always imagined. Did I really think it would be ok to just say "never mind" to all of that? I've even been guilty of sacrificing a friendship because I was selfish with what it really meant to me. Another costly move. So I find myself once again giving up something else and pushing back what I miss the most .... for what? There is no rewind button and I am running out of time, it seems, to get things right. I don't even know what right is, let alone where to begin to find it. I'd cry out for help but there's no one to hear me. So what now? Do I give up on me too? Is that what it takes? I hope not because I am just not willing to do that. However, it seems that is the point it has come to. When do we finally get the courage to say I am giving up on giving up!!

29 Days and Counting!

2010-10-18T19:32:00.002-07:00

In just 29 days I will be on may way back home to the great midwest!! Words cannot describe how happy that makes me and if people could see what was going on inside my head they would truly think I was nuts! But in a good way...hopefully. My one major wish for my winter visits this year...SNOW!! It's been way too long since I have wiped out playing in some snow and I want to do it again before I'm really too old. And it would be really cool to see my boys play in it like I used to. We shall see though.
So if anyone up there reads this and wants to go 4-wheelin in some snow..you know who to call!! See you in 29 days Clark County!

The Lesson of Strength

2010-10-01T21:12:00.004-07:00

Is it just because we are missing something immensely that we constantly seek? No secret that I am in a transitional state in my life. I have unintentionally sought, but have surely found. I have constant reminders of what used to be, and I do so purposefully. It's because what "used to be" is my most cherished moment thus far on a personal level. I could not function here in the present without the "used to be's" I hold on to. Now I am looking forward and trying to figure out how to incorporate the "used to be's" into the "what lie ahead's" Yes, completely confusing, but so important.
I remember the lesson of strength from my Granny. I can only think of 2 occasions where she actually complained of something. She went through times that I will never imagine and yet I find myself complaining to myself about something everyday. Is it greed? selfishness? weakeness? Even while dying she did not complain. I will stride, but will never match that kind of strength, even when I need it most. I have to look back and remember in order to gain courage to go forth. Tonight I want something I cannot have, but I will not dwell in the sorrow of it. Instead, I will be glad in the blessings I have received and make the most of them. I don't care anymore if I have everyone's approval. I'm not sorry for my decisions. It's the example of strength that I have seen that makes me turn and face challenges head-on. I don't have the slightest clue as to what lies ahead, but when I look back and think of you, Granny, I feel the courage to go forth, right or wrong, and face the consequence of my decisions.

I Hear It Calling

2010-09-17T21:20:00.003-07:00

The road home is a long one that's for sure. I wish when I get there my Granny and Paw Paw would be waiting for me. But they won't physically, though that almost doesn't matter. I know that their lessons to me, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, are what matter most. I'm here now, sitting in the place I call home, yet my heart is saying it's time to go. It's time to return to the place that you need and which needs you most. The things that I have always loved are there and are the same things that have always loved me in return. I have come to realize that it isn't a physical, human love which satisfies me most, though it is longed for just the same. It's that spiritual happiness that makes us feel whole. I don't have that here. I'm filling a roll, though not one I was prepared for. I can't teach my boys about happiness here because here it is about avoiding chaos and hiding in the shadows in hopes of not being noticed. I want them to feel alive, to experience life, not question it. It is shameful that it takes some of us so long to realize what means the most and to recognize our limits of giving if the return is not equal or greater. It's been a good run here, but I am almost done. I'm ready to go home.

Friends Will Bring You Home if You Know Where Home Is..

2010-09-03T21:51:00.003-07:00

Don't we all wish we had a "redo" at some point in life? I find myself more and more these days looking back at that picture of the long road home. There's so much peace in it yet it nearly drives me to tears to think of all the memories that could have been. How could I have ran from something like that, thinking there was no hope, nothing left? Too bad hindsight is 20/20 and we can look back and rationalize the decisions we've made and the ones we didn't. There is hope though. In all the times I have felt all hope was lost, true friends, old and new, have risen to the occasion and pulled me out of the depths of self-pity. Why waste this wonderful lifetime on myself? One day I will grab my kids by the hands and walk them down the road home, thanks to the inspiring words of true friends who care with generosity. Most things, I am learning, are not forever, and perhaps they were never meant to be such. There are a few things, though, that will outlast our most vivid ideals and remind us of hope and of love and of inspiration and of the things that rooted us in our very being. Home, and all the things that define it, may not pertain to specific geographical location as much as a state of being, as in total content. Realizing where home is and why you need to be there can be as scary as leaving the geographic home. Returning to it would be near mortifying if it weren't for the sincerity of a friend who can reinforce and validate your strongest feelings of why you need to be back there in the first place. My friends, one day I will be walking down that long road again, remorseful of ever having left in the first place.

LOONNGG Overdue!

2010-05-07T11:12:00.003-07:00

Boy! It's really been a long time since I last blogged. The thought of it crossed my mind a hundred times. No worries, though, life has been good. Crazy busy, but good. As per my last post, I experienced my first year as an assistant high school softball coach. My family made some time sacrifices for me to be able to do this and I am so very thankful they found a survival instinct and made it through just fine. I on the other hand, I NEEDED this to happen. It really turned out to be as much of a self-reflection experience as it was a teach and give back experience. To keep a long story short, our team went through a roller coaster of a season with injuries, adversity, and even a player being asked to leave. In the end, it turned out to be a winning season, not only on paper, but for players and coaches alike. I really think something special happened there at the end and it wouldn't have mattered if that last win was our only win. Since then I have been trying to transition back into stay-at-home-mommy mode with a few days of substitute teaching and pitching lessons here and there. I'm really feeling confident about myself these days and I am hoping I can keep up this attitude because literally nothing bothers me anymore. No matter how crappy of an attitude people can have or how frustrating things can seem, I'm able to find a way to make it happen and move forward...solo or otherwise. It feels great!

I Need A Maple Tree

2010-03-05T19:28:00.003-08:00

"Busy" seems to be an understatement lately. Since taking on my ultimate dream job of coaching High School softball, I find myself juggling daily life even more. I get caught up in trying to catch up instead of making the most of the moment. Guilt is a common emotion as I worry about how much time I'm spending away from my two little boys. I think back to my childhood and wonder were "big" people really this busy all the time? It didn't seem so back then, and it doesn't seem so now looking back. So what am I doing wrong? Maybe I'm just plain worrying about all the small stuff too much. Maybe we aren't getting the quality time that we need when we are all together. We need a Maple tree!
Thinking back to when I was a kid "big" people were busy and they did have a lot on their minds, but somehow we still managed to find time to just hang out under the Maple trees in my Granny's yard. You couldn't find cooler shade on a hot, Summer day and the grass beneath those trees were like cool blankets. I remember the guys coming in for dinner break while baling hay to have a sandwich and some lemonade under those trees. Paw Paw would put a chair in the shade while I played nearby and whittle on sticks that I would find for him. He could make the sharpest point I ever seen. Nothing can beat sitting under those trees and snapping beans and shucking corn picked fresh from the garden until the lightning bugs danced all around. Have you ever smelled freshly shucked corn on a still, starlit sky? It's one of the best things ever!
One of those old trees recently became diseased and had to be cut down. It was a sad thing to see all cut to pieces lying in the yard, helpless and dead. Where will all the whittling and shucking take place now? It will never be the same, but in my back yard is planted a red Maple. I think it's in the perfect spot to teach my boys how to make the sharpest points ever and to snap beans we've just picked from the garden. It's most definitely in the best spot to sit under at night and watch the lightning bugs dance. No, it will never be just the same, but maybe it's just what we need.

Taken By Surprise!

2010-02-03T20:32:00.001-08:00

Surprises are usually good things right? It's nice to have someone or something wonderful come about out of the blue without the slightest clue of what's going on. My Aunt and Uncle came through big time in the surprise department. Inside an ordinary cardboard box was a birthday card with well wishes and a statement that read "hope this reminds you of your grandma." Inside was a beautiful hand-stitched quilt that was SO much like the ones she used to make. I could cry thinking about it. It has really made my birthday. I'll spare all of the sappy details, but yes, it does remind me of my grandma in the most wonderful of ways!

I'm Back!

2010-01-08T20:11:00.002-08:00

I was 9 years old the first year I discovered softball. The park was just down the street from my house and I would ride my bike to the end of the road and watch from the outfield fence. It was fascinating and the thought of waiting until next year to play was almost more than I could handle. Next year finally came and from the second I stepped onto the field I was hooked! There is absolutely nothing better than the sound of that ball popping the glove, shaking the dust from the leather bindings.
My most important life lessons were learned playing that game. Everything from friendship and teamwork, commitment and work to heartache and loss, self-worth and overcoming the odds. My role as a pitcher taught me a whole lot about leading by example and about getting up when you've been knocked down. To my teammates and coaches that shared that stuff with me over the years - Thank You! It's absolutely one thing I would do again if given the chance.
Now fast forward a smidge over 20 years and I find myself in the coaching role. Eight hundred miles away from home and I'm still in the game. This is one of the greatest things that has happened to me to date (aside from the obvious ones) and no way am I not going to make the most of it. There is a lot of sacrifice involved, but aren't the best things in life the ones you've worked hardest for?
Coaching those girls at Acadiana High makes me feel 15 again! It makes me feel like my true self and I get to share all of the stuff I learned as a player with these girls and watch them "get it." It's right up there with being a parent and watching a child learn something new and want more of it. I have high hopes for what this season will mean not only for them, but myself as well.
What can I say except "I'm Back, Baby!"

Dad and Retirment

2010-01-01T20:55:00.002-08:00

First and foremost: Happy New Year! I am looking forward to a brand new start at several things this year, all of which can only happen by my own making. I think my dad is looking forward to the seminar at work next week that will tell them about their new retirement options. I thought it was pretty cool that he was actually talking about slowing down and retiring from his carpentry job until he said he was about ready to give up the cows and the farm too. He probably heard my heart thud as it splattered to the floor while we were talking on the phone. The thought of going down to his place and not seeing any cows or fields literally makes me nauseous at the very thought. Of course I have no intentions of telling him what to do or suggest that he keep it going for my sake, but dear God in Heaven, how my heart will break when there is nothing left on that beautiful piece of land. I keep thinking to myself, maybe he will hold on a little while longer, long enough so my kids will know the feeling of running barefoot through the freshly plowed dirt. Maybe he can hold out another fall so they can fill their noses with the scent of harvest. To be totally honest, I was looking forward to the summer they would be old enough to help paw-paw bale hay in the sweltering heat. Some of my dreams for them will be shattered if he quits all-together.
At the same time, I will be a little relieved if he does slow down. It's hard for a man in his 60's to take care of 120 acres, 40+ head of cattle and hold down a full time job. Oh and did I mention he has to cut all his firewood himself just to keep warm in the winter? So while this lifestyle still holds its romance for me, he absolutely deserves the break. Hopefully I can share most of my childhood with my boys before its all gone.
So cheers to new beginning in a new year, even if it means letting go of those old, comfortable things that we want to hold on to so desperately.

Christmas Past

2009-12-07T19:29:00.002-08:00

With the Holidays approaching I thought it would be a nice time to remind myself of what Christmas is really all about. It seems so ridiculous how we all get caught up in making everything look so pretty from our giant, pre-lit Christmas trees so overdone lighting on the house. Even Christmas cards have become somewhat of a competition with the photo-card fad. Then I look under the tree and literally think how we are buying ourselves out of the meaning of this holiday. Christ was not born onto this Earth to shower us with gifts, so why do we do it in His name? The one thing we were promised was love and that we would be shown it everyday, yet we celebrate such a simple concept in the most elaborate ways.
Take me back to the simplicity of the holiday....take me back to my Granny's house on Christmas Day. It was torture in the best way possible. I remember many times walking in he house mid-morning absolutely dying with anticipation of what was under the tree for me, yet well aware that it would not be the fanciest nor the most expensive gift I would receive. It didn't matter because it was often her gift or gifts that meant the most. She always cooked an outstanding meal for all who were there. Staying inside waiting on that fabulous food was antagonizing to say the least, so the kids would head off into the wilderness for an adventure of somekind. It usually involved someone climbing really high up onto something they shouldn't be on. We were always back in the house in time for dinner. It was a rule that everyone eat dinner first and help with the dishes. Absolutely no presents were to be opened until the work was done. If we weren't helping with dishes or having coffee we would set near the tree and guess what our presents were while playing cards.
The tree looked the same almost every year too. A 5ft cedar decorated with the biggest christmas lights I had seen and glass bulbs with a plastic and foil twinkling star on top always sat in the south window of the living room. A stocking for each grandkid was filled with peanuts, homemade candies and an orange...every year the same. One-by-one the gifts were unwrapped and each person was grateful if it was a package of socks or a nice desk set. Granny always went last because of course we saved the best gifts for last. It was so much more fun to see her face light up with joy as she was surprised with each gift. I hope she knew how much we all appreciated her Christmas and how much she touched us with the simplicity of it. It truly conveyed the message that Jesus had for us. Love one another and rejoice in the Lord. Thanks Granny!

Made it Home...and Made it Home Again

2009-12-04T19:56:00.002-08:00

What a week! We were able to make it back home to Illinois for Thanksgiving. It was really a lot of fun to see the family and catch up with some old friends. If you are from Marshall you know that the Corner is THE place to go and have a drink. So in true Marshall style we met up at the Corner and wandered over to the VFW and saw a band with the oldest drummer alive. It was pretty cool really. His t-shirt read "Rock and Roll Lives!" To top the night off, we stumbled on over to the Frontier to watch karaoke. Now that's interesting! We also got in an all-important tractor ride, a Jr. High basketball game, gave a pitching lesson, and ate like a fool. I love being able to bring my kids back to the town where I grew up and experience the simple things. It seems like things down here are never simple. I can relax up North and be a better mommy. Sadly, our visit was cut short by a day thanks to a Southern Winter Storm. Yep.....snow and ice in South Louisiana. The TV headline read "Sneaux Mania." Seriously?

sigh

2009-11-11T19:27:00.002-08:00

I had high hopes for myself pretty much all my life. Dreamed of a big farm house surrounded by corn fields, 4-wheelin' and fishin' on the weekends, and being surrounded by family and friends. I even concocted this idea once that marriage meant people supporting each other and cherishing the time they have with each other and their children, unconditionally. I guess we're taught that so we go ahead and let ourselves fall in love to the point of marriage and family. I'm sitting here tonight wondering what the heck happened. Why is it only half way or less most of the time? I'm really trying not to let my frustrations get the best of me but it gets a little harder with each disappointment.

Back To School.....So To Speak

2009-11-05T20:36:00.002-08:00

Hooray! We survived the tonsilectomy with only a few minor incidents along the way. Now it's time to get back into gear and movin' forward again. For me, that means picking up a few sub jobs here and there until it's time for the real work to begin. In January I will be the Pitching Coach for one of the local high schools. It's totally my dream job, but it will mean some sacrafice and adjustment for the family, mainly the kids. The hours are pretty good and I think the only time it may affect them is for a long away game or weekend tournament. Anxiety is almost overwhelming at the thought of leaving them for any length of time or at night, but I go in confidence that they are in good care. (*sigh*....even though nobody does it like mommy) So, in the meantime I am slowly getting them used to being in Grandma's care by substituting a few days a week. And why not, a little extra cash never hurt! Whatever it takes to fatten up the vacation envelope. Now back to studying pitching grips and spins...oh and stride and wrist snap....

Some Catching Up

2009-10-21T19:25:00.002-07:00

Wow! It has been a really long time since my last post. I'm going to blame it all on my 3 year old. About 6 weeks ago he and I had terrible head colds that lasted about 10 days. Mine got better pretty quickly, his seemed to linger a bit longer but had improved. In came the parents for a 2-week visit. Just so happens the evening they are crossing the Atchafalaya Basin bridge between Baton Rouge and Lafayette, my poor boy gets hurt playing and has a case of Nurse Maid's elbow. (OUCH!) My mom made it just in time to see us drive out on our way to the Emergency Room. I should have known the visit would be doomed from that point on. A night or two passes and we notice he is now snoring loudly and is having some sleep apnea.....then a scary moment of apnea. Headed to the pediatrician's office the next morning. Surprise! He has strep throat and his tonsils are practically touching. Here's the kicker...never ran a fever, so who knew! I felt bad...really bad. A 10-day round of antibiotics and he should be better....right? WRONG-O! Redness is gone, tonsils still touching and we now do not leave him alone to to sleep because the apnea is so bad. Back to the ped's office, try an allergy med for a few days, video tape his apnea and wait on a call. Waited long enough called them up to make sure they forwarded the files to an ENT. Finally get an appointment with Dr. Robin Barry, whom I mention by name because I believe in his ability so much. Checks the ears, looks good...check the nose, looks pretty good...say aaaahhh..........silent pause. He turns to us and asks how this child breathes. So he sheduled a tonsilectomy. Had the surgery 6 days ago, as per this post, and is recoverying pretty well. Wheeeewww! So that in a nutshell has been the better part of the last month for me. I am SO looking forward to a clean bill of health. Post-op check-up tomorrow. Crossing my fingers for good news.

Someplace Else

2009-10-02T19:25:00.003-07:00

Nobody said life would always be gumballs and lollipops, right? No doubt I have a good life and I love the people in it, though it is certainly not what I ever imagined it would be. It seems selfish as I sit here and write about it, but there are times that I would just like to hit the pause button and spend a little time back when things were a little more simple. I can't pinpoint a specific time, but I can clearly pick out moments and places and time frames that set me at ease and put me back on the right track. I want to make life like those moments but can't quite reach that goal yet. It frustrates me, saddens me a little and angers me at times. But reality reminds me that I can't make something what it isn't.

I can't make my Granny's sun bonnet bob up and down between the tomato vines or blackberry bushes...can't get water for my Paw Paw in his favorite tin cup...can't walk in grass higher than my head without a care or fear in the world...won't be wading in clear creek water and watch the minnows swim around my toes anytime soon...can't sit in the driveway for hours looking for Indian beads...can't reach down and grab a handful of chalk before my next pitch...no sitting on the dock with moon shining bright waiting for a catfish to take the bait...no more waking up to a blanket of fresh snow....no more lots of things.

What can I do? I guess that's to be determined. Something for sure is missing and I need to figure it out. In the meantime I will treasure the things and moments that I do have. It's the stone cold truth that tomorrow is not promised so no more living the fool's life and waiting for things to happen or work out.

Got That Fall Feelin'

2009-09-11T20:28:00.007-07:00

Maybe it's just wishful thinking, since South Louisiana isn't known for stunning seasonal changes. It pretty much goes from hot and unbearable to cold and rainy and right back to hot and unbearable again with a few "nice" days scattered in between. Back home is where Fall really happens. The leaves change to reds, yellows, and oranges before falling to the ground which is great because then you get to rake them into giant leaf piles and jump in them! Crops get harvested, wood is being cut and stacked for winter, fall festivals pop up, Halloween, High School Football...the list goes on. But it's the smell in the air that I miss. The air is crisp and carries perfectly the smell of those fallen leaves and the wood being cut and the ears of corn freshly harvested from the stalks and my oh my those pumpkin pies on the town square at Fall Festival. I love trekking through the woods when there is a nice layer of fallen leaves on the ground. They crunch as you walk, even on cool, misty mornings. The moss on the trees give that deep woodsy scent as you walk by. Wildlife is active and there is a photo-op in almost any direction. Sounds cary for miles it seems yet the quiet is almost deafening as you anticipate what will be heard next.
One of my favorite Fall activities was picking corn with my dad. I'm not talking riding in a combine singing along to the radio either. Remember that John Deere A? Picture that with a one-row corn picker attached and a wood-panel wagon behind that creeping through a field. Once the wagon was full, we'd have to unload it into one of a couple of corn cribs that my dad actually built when he was a kid. The wagon had a lift-gate on the back and it was my job to open that thing enough to let some of the corn spill out onto the hiker that carried it to the top of the corn crib. A crude operation to say the least, but one of my favorite Fall jobs. It was pretty much identical to the picture above (a copy of which is hanging in my son's bedroom). Oh how I miss those days.

I think my next trip home will include a tromp though the misty woods just so I can take a deep breath of that Fall air and smell the crunching leaves.

Tractor Ridin'

2009-08-31T19:33:00.003-07:00

Over the weekend my oldest son and I got to ride in a cane cutter and a sprayer. He absolutely loved, as was expected, but it was really special to me too. I grew up ridin' tractors with my paw-paw and my dad. Paw-Paw had an old John Deere A that he'd drive down to check on the cows. I'd stand on the tongue of that thing and reach up nearly as high as I could to hang on to the back of the seat as he drove. An old metal bucket of corn clanged the whole way. It was magic...as soon as those old cows heard that tractor they would start bellowing and come running towards Johnny Put-Put. He'd stop the tractor in the pasture and it was like the disciples gathering around Jesus, their eyes fixed on him. He'd throw some corn to each one...and he made sure each one got the same amount. It was sad when his health deteriorated to the point that he was no longer able to take the tractor out to check the cows. I suppose it was around that time that my dad invested in a used, but well taken care of John Deere 3010. My favorite part was that it had fenders! No more hanging on the back. I went everywhere he went. We plowed, planted, mowed, scraped rocks, fixed fences, baled hay, moved cows from one pasture to another, plowed snow, and sometimes just rode around when there was nothing better to do. Dad has upgraded to a 4020 for most of his actual farming, but both the 3010 and the old A still sit in the barn. On those trips back home I still make it a point to get in a nice, long tractor ride before heading back South. Last summer I videod some of a ride he and I and my oldest son took. If nothing else, just enjoy the scenery and imagine yourself sitting on that fender on that perfect day in Illinois.

For My Lil Harris...

2009-08-30T19:18:00.000-07:00

The Boy in Superman Pajamas

One little head peeks from behind the bedroom door. One little smile appears when he sees no one looking. Two little arms spread to the side like airplane wings and two little feet thump, thump, thump down the hallway. ZOOM goes the boy in Superman Pajamas! Two little hands rescue a glass of milk from the table and one little mouth drinks it down. Two little legs carry the boy to the bathroom to brush his teeth. ZOOM goes the boy in Superman Pajamas! Two little lips kiss baby brother goodnight. One little hand rubs one little eye. ZOOM goes the boy in Superman Pajamas. Two little arms reach up to hug Daddy goodnight. One little mouth gives a great big, yawn. ZOOM goes the boy in Superman pajamas! One little head lies down on the pillow. Two little eyes begin to close. Two little ears hear nighttime noises. Two little eyes open wide. ZOOM goes the boy in Superman pajamas! Two little arms reach up for momma. Two little arms squeeze her tight. One little head rests on her shoulder. Two little eyes close. One little kiss on one little cheek. Goodnight to the boy in Superman pajamas.

Embracing My "Hick-ness"

2009-08-27T19:57:00.002-07:00

I had to laugh at myself today. I try to make a point of having music played at some point during the day while the boys are up. Sometimes it might be CMT as was the case today. My oldest son and I love the song "Big Green Tractor" by Jason Aldean. He likes it because it's about a tractor and a cowboy sings it. Not a bad reason. While watching the video for it today I thought to myself "what a romantic song." That's when I laughed and figured I must surely be a total hick. But seriously, that would be the perfect date for me. Ok...I'm a hick. I'm cool with that. So if you haven't heard it, go listen to it so you can laugh at me for being a hick too!

The Ice Cream Bucket

2009-08-18T20:39:00.003-07:00

I had a flashback the other day in the freezer section at Wal-Mart of all places. We were walking down the ice cream aisle and I glanced over and saw a square ice cream bucket. I instantly thought of what a perfect berry picking bucket that would be. My Granny and I would use ice cream buckets when we picked blackberries. She used to dress in my Paw-Paw's overalls and long-sleeved shirts to avoid the chiggers. I, on the other hand, would climb in the middle of the briars in shorts and a tank top and be covered in itchy, red, welps by evening.

It's funny how many uses we had for those buckets. They hauled cat feed, persimmons, critters that I caught and would keep as a pet for the day, you name it. In the afternoons we would go out beneath the maple trees in the front yard and play frisbee with the lids. You had to throw with precision because the front yard wasn't real big. On one side was the house with it's peeling, white paint and huge front window. On the other was the road, which at he time was like fine pea gravel over crude blacktop. If you hit the maple branches at just the right time, dozens of "helicopters" would come fluttering down. The lids were so light-weight that they rarely made it to the other person. Eventually we would both take our own lid out and see who could throw it the highest and have it come back down and catch it ourselves. It was our special game.

I still find myself clinging to every ice cream bucket I come across. Who knew they could be such wonderful things?!

So Stoked!

2009-08-07T10:42:00.002-07:00

Yippee Skippee, I'm so excited! Just confirmed today that I will be giving a fastpitch clinic in Lafayette Sept. 9 for the Rec. Department. I'm so stoked because it gets me back involved with the one thing I enjoy next to my boys and that's softball. Now I have to start practicing again to prove to myself that I haven't forgotten everything. That means a lot of underused muscles are going to be very sore, but it will be so worth it. My Marshall homies have also been hooking me up with some lessons up there. It's hard to believe that they are willing to wait for someone that lives 800 miles away to come give them a lesson. I don't know if I'm worthy, but it makes me feel really good. Plus it means the interest is back and that should get the program back up and running after being stagnet for so long. Yay for softball! :)

Pictoral Vacation

2009-07-29T19:38:00.008-07:00

Friends

2009-07-14T07:07:00.002-07:00

How nice it has been to be back in my little hometown. Before coming up for this visit, I did my best to try and contact people that I hadn't seen in a long time. I've been able to reconnect with some of my old friends this week and have had such a rewarding time doing so. It's sad how hard good friends are to come by once you become a "grown-up." Living in the south has not met my expectations in the friends department, although I have had the fortune of meeting some really great people. It's just easier to stay to yourself rather than get caught up in the drama and cliquiness of it all. I was so glad to come home and see that the people I grew up with and called friend really hadn't changed all that much. It's very refreshing and something I was totally missing out on. I'm really looking forward to catching up with some more good buddies in the days ahead.

Lately...

2009-06-30T19:38:00.002-07:00

It seems as the more I plan to relax and settle into a content lifestyle the more crap comes about and disrupts things. Maybe it's just the way I handle things emotionally. In the midst of planning and enjoying my son's 3rd birthday party and finalizing plans for vacation, my husband tells me about all of these predictions for the end of the world, at least as we know it, in 2012. Umm...not what I wanted to hear. Long story short, apparently even the Mayans has this marked on their calendar, which has been pretty accurate for an extremely long time. And there's more...science has confirmed that we are due for a catastrophic polar shift with the sun's next maximum. When? 2012 of course! I know..pathetic to let this stuff bother me, but it really creeps me out to think what could happen to my boys because of this stuff. My prediction for myself is that I need a REALLY relaxing vacation before the little white truck with the guys in little white coats come fit me for my very own little white, really tight jacket of my own.

My New Clothesline!

2009-06-18T08:24:00.003-07:00

Never, ever in a million years did I ever expect to get excited over a clothesline. Thanks to the recession we've recently made several downgrades and money saving moves to try and stay afloat in this horrible economy. The clothesline was a product of that, though I admit I've been wanting one for quite a while now. At any rate, as I was hanging things up to dry with the baby sitting in the stroller behind me it dawned on me how many women have gone through this task with two or three little ones hanging on to their skirt tales screaming and fighting! Wheewww! No tears for me this time. The experience did make me feel very domestic and brought me one step closer to my crusade to make life simple again.

Just A Quick Thought

2009-06-11T13:42:00.002-07:00

I haven't blogged as much lately as I had intended to (hopefully I can get back in the groove) but I have been able to catch up with some old friends lately. I'll just relay a quick thought before heading out to take my son to swimming lessons. A lot of people complain at how the internet and the electronic age has taken away phone calls and hand-written letters. I agree, it's nice to get a letter in the mail from a long-lost relative or be able to pick up the phone to ask cousin Joann for her recipe for New York Stew. But I'll also add that for some who have burned such personal bridges the information highway may be the way to go to travel back to those who have been left in the past. I say if it's a tool good enough to get the job started then let's get to work. I know for a fact that I'm not the only person who has someone from the past that I either need or would like to make amends with. Maybe it's the "mom" in me, but in the end we really do need each other. Even if it's hard to get the ball rolling it will be so worth it in the end.

The Smells of Clean!

2009-06-02T20:10:00.002-07:00

Today was an extremely long day of Spring cleaning at my house. Now it's nothing that June Cleaver would stand up and clap about, but it is nice to get an extra layer of dirt and grime off of things. After almost 6 solid hours of cleaning I thought to myself, "man! This smells nice!" The blue Pine Sol had really paid off. Then of course my mind faded back to thoughts of my Granny and what clean really smelled like. I have 2 associated smells with what clean really is...bleach and hot Tupperware.
Have you ever seen or used a wringer washer? That was a beast of a machine and I remember very vividly the one that was in my Granny's basement for years. I was always fascinated by that thing. It was the load of whites that instilled in me what "clean" really was. The aroma of bleach filled that dark basement and the gleam of all those white clothes and towels lit it up. Of course things were hung on the line and that only made the clean smell last longer.
Now about that hot Tupperware smell... I generally spent every Sunday at Granny's house. We had a very set schedule on how the day operated. First it was breakfast that usually consisted of eggs, bacon, and toast. Then it was Sunday Morning with Charles Kuralt. Her friend Mildred would pick us up for church and bring us back. She'd then make a ridiculously huge meal and we'd eat until it hurt....EVERY TIME! Then we'd do the dishes side-by-side. She'd wash and I'd dry. She had 2 old Tupperware tubs that fit nicely in the sink that we'd wash and rinse in. Now I'm not sure how hot Tupperware has to be before it releases that smell, but as the dryer it was my job to pull the dishes out of the sclading water and place them in the dish drainer before the skin melted off of my hands. I swear those old tubs were cooking right there in the sink! The dishes were clean though...so clean they made that sqeaky sound.
So the house doesn't smell like bleach or hot Tupperware, but it feels pretty good. I think I'll stick to my blue pine sol for next year's day of spring cleaning. I may even try to do a few more loads of just whites and use bleach just to remember how clean really smells.

The Almighty Euchre

2009-05-27T19:51:00.006-07:00

This evening I have found myself in a major planning session on facebook for a serious game of Euchre. I say serious, because where I come from Euchre is just about as serious as Uncle Joe's cows getting loose. According to Websters Online Dictionary, Euchre is defined as "A card game similar to ecarte; each player is dealt 5 cards and the player making trump must take 3 tricks to win a hand." The definition fails to mention that all players involved must be able to tolerate unimaginable amounts of heckling, use phrases that edge ever so slightly into cheating, and be willing to play almost anywhere, anytime.
Growing up in a small town makes it harder to get into trouble and get away with it. Either everyone knows each other or they know who to tell if they suspect something's up. So for those times when small crime wasn't an option we played euchre. I'm going to guess that I was about 13 or 14 when I learned how to play; so let's say Jr. High. Although I don't remember exactly how, I'm sure my first lesson was on a team bus coming back from a basketball game late one night. It was addicting from the first hand. We played on team busses, free-time in school, weekend camping trips, you name it. I have even played euchre at the county jail with on-duty deputies. In High School while some of the more "cliquey" kids were doing their thing, my crowd was at someone's house with 2-3 tables of euchre going. We'd play to all hours of the night. There were some deep converstaions had and good friendships made over a few hands of euchre. Sadly, way down here in the swamp lands of Louisiana you can find every type of card game imaginable, except euchre. In the 9 years that I've been here I have yet to find a single person who has even heard of the word, let alone played the game.
Here's to meeting up with old friends on my trip back home. Hopefully we'll be able to rekindle those old friendships and engage in deep conversations all while handing a few good old-fashioned ass whippin's!

Something Old, Something New

2009-05-19T19:52:00.004-07:00

I was looking around my house today trying to decide what decor to go with or what knick-knack to stick where and came to the realization that even though it's a brand new house, I'd really like it to look old. I've always been drawn to old things and I suppose that's because I grew up around old things. My grandparents and my dad ran a small family farm in Clark County Illinois. As long as I can remember, they never purchased anything new to run that place except the seeds they planted. A the ripe old age of about 8 years old I was given the duty of learning how to drive the tractor that my paw-paw always to referred to as Johnny Putt Putt. It was a John Deere Model A, which was first produced in the 1930's. Kind of rugged for an 8 yr. old don't ya think? That tractor was the work-horse of the place. I can clearly remember my dad using "the ol' A" as he called it, to pull a one-row corn picker over about 80 acres of corn. He's since upgraded to a 5 row combine to get the job done, but "the ol' A" still putts out of the barn now and then.

Then I began thinking of my Granny and how she could amaze me with the things that came out of her kitchen. My realization...old things make it better. I used to tease her that she was the only cook on earth that could make boxed spaghetti taste good. And that's no lie! I loved it when she made boxed spaghetti. It wasn't better because she was old. The way she went about it was old, meaning everything she was taught was handed down to her, who had it handed down to them and so on and so forth. She didn't need the lastest and greatest in modern kitchen gadgets to get the job done. She had an old gas stove that had to be lit with a match, stoneware bowls, an old metal hand mixer, and most importantly the care to do it right.

So why do I love these old things so much? I guess it's because it keeps me grounded. Why are we constantly trying to upgrade our lives and keep up with the next person when there really isn't anythng wrong with the way we are now? I am thankful everyday for the beautiful house that I share with my family. It's complete with all the modern conveniences, central heating and air, city water, vents in the ceiling, yada yada yada. But if I had the chance to have my dream house it would be an old farm house with squeaky wood floors, a wrap around porch, wood-burning stove, and a kitchen that makes you smell hot blackberry cobbler by just looking at it. It would be a dream partly because I think those things are really cool, but mostly because I can appreciate the things that those old amenities have endured and the character that keeps them beautiful. When I'm "really old" I want to be described as that old farm house, and to do so I better stay grounded in the qualities that all these old things have taught me about. I also have an obligation to pass this old stuff along to the "new" in this scenario...my beautiful children. Everytime I go home to visit that old farm I'm going to make sure they get a ride on Johnny Putt Putt and maybe they will find their respect for all the cool, old stuff as well.

**footnote: The picture in this entry is of my dad on his tractor looking out over the pasture and my oldest son at 2 years old getting his first taste of "old stuff."

Saying Goodbye

2009-05-18T08:32:00.002-07:00

Today I learned of the death of one of my former softball coaches. Howard had been battling cancer for sometime and his passing was not a shock. Since I had learned that he was in his final days of life, I often thought of the many laughs and lessons he gave us girls. Howard was the assistant coach of our traveling softball team, one of the player's step-dad, and friend to all of us. He was a towering man that could have easily frightened anyone with his sheer size, but it was his gentle soul that we all admired so much. He was our biggest cheerleader on the team, especially as first base coach. My favorite catch-phrase of his came when runners were on base and he would shout to the batter "ducks on the pond!" That meant you better make them swim home. Even opposing teams fell in love with Howard and his captivating personality. How could you ignore the biggest man in the ball park when he was standing right in front of your dugout? I can't remember a time when even in our grimmest of performances that he wasn't constantly uplifting and looking for the positives. He truly knew how to lift us up and get us back in the game. Lessons like that go beyond the diamond. That's a true gift. Thanks for sharing that with us, Howard. I'm gonna miss you big guy! My next rise-ball is for you.

Why Now?

2009-05-17T20:02:00.003-07:00

It's taken a while, but here I am in the world of "blogging." Hopefully I can keep up with it as there is a lot going on right now with a toddler and a baby in the house. I guess my intentions for starting this is so that I can keep reminding myself of who I am and why I'm that way. Sounds cheesey, but I'm edging into my 32nd year of existence, and to some people that's OLD! What I'm getting at is that I feel that I've come upon a crossroads in my life. As a 31-year old stay-at-home-mom of two, I find myself constantly evaluating and re-evaluating my every decision. I even think about how decisions in the past affect me and my family now. For instance, had I known what life would be like 800+ miles away from friends and family would I have still made that decision? Not so sure of the answer to that. Regardless of the true feelings deep down inside the decision is made and here I am. Now what do I do? So I guess the real title of this entry should be "Why Not." Maybe it will help me remind myself of the things that I really find important in life and why they've become true treasures to me. Sure I could go on and on about politics and the dismal forecast of the economy and it's direct affect on families like mine...but really...don't you still have to find a way to muster through even the toughest of times? Let's remind ourselves that we aren't who we are by accident. What an injustice we do to ourselves by getting swept up in the socialisms we base our existence on and forget about what we once dreamed of or how we felt on a sunny day with our bare toes tickled by the soft clover beneath them. Close your eyes and remember you. In the most lonesome of times it's all you'll have to comfort you.
It's my hope that someone, somewhere will read my entries and be inspired to think a little more simply about the basics of life. Remember your Granny? I bet that question alone has sparked a warm glow in someone's brain. And if you are wondering about the title of my blog..well..that's where it all began. Hopefully one day, that's where it will end.